Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Friendly Skies, Bitchy Tarmac

A frustrated JetBlue flight attendant allegedly fled his plane via emergency shoot -- beer in hand -- after getting into a fight with a passenger and then cursing out the entire cabin over a loudspeaker.
So begins a story about a skyhop getting into a dust-up with a passenger who got up to fetch something from the overhead bin while the aircraft was taxiing to the terminal (which, as anyone knows, is just asking for flight attendant jihad). The contretemps escalated and the attendant was bonked on the bean...
At that point, the flight attendant got on the loud speaker, told those aboard to "go f*** themselves," grabbed a beer from the galley, deployed the chute and ran into the terminal. 
Well. Someone's wound a little tight. Anyway, please return your seat to its upright position and note that the loudspeaker (as in, electronic communication device) in the first paragraph, becomes a loud speaker (as in, Rush Limbaugh) in the latter. Also, if we are going to use a direct quote, I'm guessing our spunky little steward told those aboard to "go f*** yourselves." And finally, of course, there is the matter of the getaway chute, which, in an amusing case of homonym befuddlement, is initially identified as an emergency shoot.

Andy Borowitz, by the way, has played off this story to great effect, with a faux news report entitled "All U.S. Workplaces to be Fitted with Inflatable Slides."